i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
