i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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