All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hippo gnu deer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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