Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Come see our sink grown plant.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
