thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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