i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
