I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Welp...herpes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
