Can Purell be used as lube?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
