She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
