I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
