the condom got lost in my hair
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
