I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
