people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So vagazzling was a success
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
