a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
