If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
