My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize