is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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