So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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