all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
