sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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