there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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