this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
