The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
