Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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