wanna go halves on a baby?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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