If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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