I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
