if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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