like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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