sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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