Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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