I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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