They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
