He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
