You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
