I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
