It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
