Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
