Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
