Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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