Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
