I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
