Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
