yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
