He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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