He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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