As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
