Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
