New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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