When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
