Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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