The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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