So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
