her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize