And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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