I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize