Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
