hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize