Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
