I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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