Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
