I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
