so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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