drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
