Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
