I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize