Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
