gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
