No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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