so that wasnt chicken after all
Screwed.edu
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
